The Fritz Henry Emails

Response to Danzen Regis re:If We Are Watching the Whales... (Found in California Dreamin' Link)

From :  Fritz Henry
Sent : Thursday, January 29, 2004 10:28 PM
To : danz_regis82@yahoo.com

Subject : Response to Danzen Regis re:If We Are Watching the Whales...

Thank you Danzen for your comments!!!!!
On January 4th, 2004 you sent your comments regarding my blog, titled "If We Are Watching the Whales..."  :

"Dear MR.Fritz Henry,
    Hi,Im Danzen Regis of Cebu City,Hi there Good day to you sir,I read about your columns on preserving the blue whales, now its my privilege got connected to your website,you see we had a project in our class ,our task is to contact earth protectors like yourself,now i will be happy if you answer me in my email add.I love to save the whales since our country the Phillipines happens to have few whales. my email add by the way is danz_regis82@yahoo.com,my home address is 461-1-10 V.rama Avenue Guadalupe,Cebu City,Phillipines 6000.i wouls love to recieve some articles About Whales from you.Thank You in advance and have a Happy New Year.

                                                      Sincerely yours,
                                                       Danzen Blondie Regis  "

Dear Mr. Danzen Regis,
Now here is my problem before you have me help you save the whales:  do you live in the Phillipines or do you live in HI?  I am admittedly not a fan of the whales in Hawaii.  I will tell you why:  they have it very easy!!!!  Hawaii is always sunny!  Before these whales ask for my help I think they should think about this: I do not eat fish.  I do not do anything to them already.  Why should I help them more.  I have no problems with the whales in the Phillipines or the people.  I like them.  I also like starfruit and pomegrantes.  I would be very happy if I could just sit and watch Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home and eat some pomegrante seeds.  Do you think that owuld be a fun night?  My brother (Lake Henry) says that I would also have to add something to heat things up, for example: some sort of trivia game or political discussioon.  What are the politics like in the Phillipines?  How does the government view the whales?  Would the government be okay with the privatization of whales and the naming of whales?  I don't think that I would have room at my place for a whale.  I am however thinking about moving to a house boat.  Do you think that a whale could pull a house boat?  I think that a big whale could.  Maybe also with the help of some younger whales training for the big swim across the Pacific.

I imagine that I will hear from you soon.  You can't wait.  Thanks again,
Fritz Henry

Prowlin' the Streets of Kauai

From :  Fritz Henry
Sent : Thursday, January 29, 2004 9:52 PM
To : hrluna@shaka.com

Subject : Prowlin' the Streets of Kauai

Hello Hawaiian Riders Car Rental!!!  I am coming to the islands!!! I have never been to an island before.  Can you blieve that?  I actually can not.  I am not very adventurous at all.  I do sometimes walk around in the locker room without any socks or aqua socks on.  Crazy?  It's possible.  I've heard many horror stories about people, for example my brother (Lake Henry), catching various diseases from foot germs on the floor in the men's locker room.  Lake got gonnaria (sp?) from the YWCA locker room in Albequerque.  At the time I didn't even know that he was living in Albequerque or working out.  It turns out that he was in an indoor soccer league and he was playing with some women and then he fell and then he had to go to the locker room and then in the locker room his nose started bleeding because it was too dry in Albequerque and then he had to take off his right foot sock so that he could stop the bleeding then he stepped in soem gonnaria.  That's so nasty.  I'm so glad thtat I am very careful with my footwear.

So, what I was wondering are these few things:
1) I want to rent a Prowler.
2)  Do the Prowlers come in green?
3)  I would like to drive the car and then return it within 5 hours.  I will have Lake with me.  He will definitely be wearing footwear.  Thongs?  Birkenstocks?  What is preferable?  Is there such a thing as the Hawaiian sandal?
4)  Are the women in Hawaii tall?  I am not a tall man.  I do not like to feel small.  I like to feel manly and big and tall.
5)  Do you know of a good, fast, clean, place to eat barbeque chicken in or near Kilauea?  I will be within 35 kilometers of Kilauea or possibly Anahola.  What does Anahola mean?  I am banking on something to do with hello or goodbye or the military.

Thank you for all of your help and support.  I will probably hear from you in the next few days.  I am so excited.  I hope that the island of Kauai is big enough for the three of us!  I'm sure it is.  Thank you for all of your help and support.

-Fritz Henry

A "B-" in Seussology

From :  Fritz Henry
Sent : Wednesday, January 28, 2004 11:27 PM
To : vickib@i-55.com

Subject : A "B-" in Seussology

Hello, Ms. Blackwell.  I just visited your Dr. Seuss webpage and let me say that I really love your site.  I thin kit's the most fantastarifically magnaficantourous speederechinous montrolifikly awesome site I have ever seen on Dr. Seuss.  Is this on purpose or did you just sort of "fall into it?"  I usually find that I do my best work, mostly photography, when I am not really trying.  Have you ever heard the expression of doing in for the love and not for the money?  When you start to do it for the money and not for the love, then you can end up like Tracy McGrady.  I hope that you always do it for the love.  My brother (Lake Henry) has never been one to do it for the love.  Lake Henry always does it for the money, belive me.  Lake is an experienced carpenter and he always makes the rate.  I always say that I am a builder too.  Only the difference between the two of us is that I build in ideas and thematic dreams and he builds with wood and drywall.  Incidentally, do you know anyone who may be in need of some drywalling stilts?  I stole them from Lake's closet last time i visited him at the hostel.  Have you ever spent a few nights in a hostel visiting your older brother and then realized that he isn't staying at the hostel, but at the hospital and that explains all of the hitchhikers and hippies?

So, what I did, was I logged onto your website and I took your Dr. Seuss characters quiz!!!!  I scored an 8 out of 10!!!!!  I think that would be the equivalent of a B-.  I have not been to school or read a Dr. Seuss book for the past 17 years!!  I gave the same quiz to my cousin (Ryan Borgen).  He is only five and he reads the books all the time.  He is now reading the Horton Hears Who book.  I think it's so funny how the little Who people are so small, and then they work together to do everything.  Would that be considered a commune?  I once lived in a commune in Door County and worked at Thumb Fun in the Haunted House!!  Scary?  No.  What do you think?

-Fritz Henry

p.s.  I am alos better at math than my cousin.  I can do long division and fractional percentages!!!!

You're a Mean One Mr. Grinsh

From: Fritz Henry
Sent : Wednesday, January 28, 2004 9:02 PM
To : drseuss@seuss.org

Subject : You're a Mean One Mr. Grinsh

First of all, Dr. Seuss, I enjoyed your Dr. Seuss homepage very much.  I like old people's websites, usually.  I actually, I always enjoy when elderly people learn new tricks.  My Grandma Painter has recently learned how to use her VCP!!!!  I gave her a copy of "Long long trialer"  starring Lucille Ball and Ricky Ricardo!!  I gave it to her for her birthday.  She is a fan of camping and of Lucille Ball.  I knew that she had a VideoCassettePlayer, but I did not know that she had ever used it to play a tape.  Isn't that crazy?  Would it be weird if I said that I think she only learned how to use it so that she could watch the video tape that I gave her for her birthday.  Grandma Painter is 86!!!  I am 35!!!  My mother is 62!!!  I have an uncle that is 65!!!  How old do you think my dad is?  I would probably guess that he is someweher around 60.  He was born on a leap year and he says he's 14, going on 15.  For a long time he didn't want to get his driver's license because he said that he didn't want to break the law!!  Can you believe that?  He did finally get one when he turned 9.  It must have been weird, because the rest of the kids in his class were 15.  He probably looked up to them.  My brother (Lake Henry) got his driver's license when he was 16, and my dad was almost 6.  I do not ever ride anywhere with Lake.  Although I think I went with him to suncoast to steal the copy of "Long Long Trailer" for Gramdma.  Have you ever stolen anything?  It's exhilarating!  I have stolen 4 videotapes, 17 novels (mostly Piers Anthony or Elfquest), 56 candy bars, and a laserdisc copy of 9 1/2 Weeks.  Have you ever wished that you were Mickey ROurke?  I haven't.

Okay, so here is what I have noticed about you, Dr.  You are not very good with grammar.  I used to work as a copy editor for the Sacramento Bee.  I worked in the Lifestyles section.  Do you do alot of cooking?  I suppose that you are probably rich, and so you have people that cook weird things for you.  What does Roast Beast taste like?  What about Chickalicmicky?  Or Vanderbeen pie?

I was looking on your site at your lyrics for the Grinch song and I noticed that you made a few mistakes.  I will list them for you.

1)first stanza  - "you are as charming as an eel"  -  eels are not know for their charm
2)sixth stanza - "I'd take the seasick crockodile"  - crocodile is spelled wrong
3)seventh stanza -"You're a nasty, wasty skunk"  - wasty is not a word
4)tenth stamza - "Your heart's a dead tomato splot" - splot is also not a word
5)twelvth stanza - "super-naus... a crooked horse"  - super-naus would rhyme with crooper-haus

I hope that you can make these changes in your song.  I am a perfectinoist when it comes to my things that I like.  Please, I emplore you to help me out here.  Thank you.  I also love the book about the elephant and the little people.

-Fritz Henry