From: bigfritzhenry@mac.com
To: tjones@sportingnews.com
Date: Tue Aug 09, 2005 08:09:56 PM PDT
Hey, TJ, sorry to hear you had to take a steroisd test. You know what? I have never taken one! I am not all that strong. You know who would really benefit from taking a steroids test? my brother (Lake Henry). He is so strong! I have seen him hit a ball over the fence twice in one week! I have seen him throw a ball from the outfield wall into the pitcher's mound without even ever grunting or sweating or anything. Hurfit (sp?) Is that how you spell it? Have you seen those Under Armour commericals with the black guy who just yells a lot?! I am not a yeller! Exclamation point!
I once tried to yell at someone when I was mad at them and it just came off like I was trying to do an impression of that guy in the Police Adacemy movies? You know? Wow, funny movies! I love Steve Guttenberg. Have you ever seen "Three Men & A Baby?" Do you believe in ghosts? There is a ghost kid in the window in that movie in the scene with Ted Danson and the Baby. Do you think they used a real baby?
Okay, here is what I am emailing you about: 1) Nice moustache. I also have a moustache. Mine looks like Tom Selleck's moustacehe but it is drawn on with a sharpie. 2) Gooooooo Marlinnnnnnnns! 3) Are you related to Doug Jones? The reliever they used to call the walrus? 4) Have you ever seen a walrus up close and personal?
Worn out? I am and I don't even play baseball! Do you get it? I have a job at a store. Man, wouldn't it be great if I could take all of you steroids test for you? I AM NOT OFFERING TO DO SUCH A THING. DEFINITELY THAT WOULD BE ILLEGAL. I am however offering to take your picture on a baseball field if you need it done. I am good with a camera and I feel comfortable around tame horses and shallow water.
Your new friend,
Fritz Henry
P.S. What would you think if I said that I could juggle three baseballs and then pretend to take a bite out of one of them, without skipping a beat?
P.P.S. I can't.
