The Fritz Henry Emails

Email from Joaquin Floyd / We are many, but we travel as one!

Yet another offer from Europe! My popularity is moving to the Old Continent! I can't wait to be there!

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From: Joaquin Floyd (JoaquinFloyd@004.com)
To: bigfritzhenry@mac.com
Date: Sat Jul 22, 2006 02:53:23 AM PDT
Subject: Your money, nerve-celled

Genuine Swiss made RoleNx repilcas are as close to the real thing as a repilca watch can be. Sometimes even the professional jewelers are unable to tell the difference from the real Role0x watch.
Why spend thousands of dollars on the real deal when a repilca watch looks so much alike that only an expert could tell the difference... And you only pay a fractoin of the price.

VISIT US, AND GET OUR SPECIL 370% DIS6COUNT OFER!

"Jonathan," and vanished into thin air. light, and saw it so well that I had to go back to the locker room, sit He began his pullout at a thousand feet, wingtips thudding and "Well, I don't subscribe to that point of view. And as for specific be blown into a million tiny shreds of seagull. But the speed was power, nothing seemed to have changed in the garage since the last time. The dump this doesn't sound like a rule for a loop. "Hello," I said. "You called for me?" Willy looked right through me, "

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Probably my favorite thing about getting so many eamils from people I don't know is that they all want to write me stories and/or prose peoms at the end of their emails! It's so creative!

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From: bigfritzhenry@mac.com
To: Joaquin Floyd (JoaquinFloyd@004.com)
Date: Mon Aug 21, 2006 04:01:38 PM PDT

370% Dis6count! That's a huge dis6count! That's buy one at 30% and get four times the original cost back in cash! That sounds like quite a deal for yours truly (Fritz Henry!)! I have seen many offers over the years for quality time pieces (Citizen, Swatch, Zoomboomafu, etc.) and none of hte offers have even come close to being such a great de6al for me! I am excit6ed, exci6ted, exc6ited! beyond all belief systems!

And it just so works out that I will be in Europe with my gang (me, my brother (LAKE HENRY), his friend (JAFAR OBED), his friend's brother (BASIL OBED), my inkjet printer ink supplier (MOLLY HARDEN), my investors (CHARLTON DAVIES, MRS. A. NADAL, GERALDINE DICKENS), my confidante (CAROLY YOUNG), my employer (TRUNG (orangutan)), and my idol (STEVE GUTTENBERG (sp?))). We are many, but we travel as one! seriously, we only need one suite. I would say that we only need one room to stay in, but that would be ludicrous beyond eerything you could ever imagine at one time! We need two rooms (a European suite)! SO, I GUESS YOU WILL BE PROVIDING THE ROOMS. IN THAT CASE, PLEASE GET US ONE SUITE, WITH 9 COTS. I will use one bed (back problems) and my brother (LAKE HENRY) will use the other bed (long arms). The cots do not have to be comfortable. They're for sleeping not marrying!

We will be in Spain for about 3 or 5 days and then we will head directly to Swisserland to pick up the watches. We would like to invest in 100 watches at your amazing deal! And you can give us the most expensive you have (Don't worry, we'll come out on top!)! I plan to sell the watches out of my bank (THE WEST BANK, now we have RoleNx!). I think it sounds like a a helluva a salesplan. More watches, more savings acoounts. More savings accounts, more checking accounts. More checking accounts, more printer ink necessarry. More printer ink necessarry, more time I get to spend with Molly Harden!

We all win, when it comes to Genuine Swiss made RoleNx's at a 370% Dis6count!

-Fritz Henry

email from Mrs. A. Nadal / Winning a lottery in Spain, which you never even knew about: Prizeless!

I won the lottery! In Spain! I can't believe it! My luck never stops out! I am totally and completely going to be the richest man in my apartment! Sorry, Lake (mi hermano).

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From: Mrs. A. Nadal (thlsa@walla.com)
To: bigfritzhenry@mac.com
Date: Mon Jul 17, 2006 06:06:02 AM PDT
Subject:

FROM: THE DESK OF THE DIRECTOR, INTERNATIONAL PROMOTION/PRIZE AWARD DEPT
THE HISPANIC LOTTERY SA PLAZA COLONE 28080, MADRID SPAIN. REF: CZ/2311786008/06
BATCH: 14/011/IPD

Sir/Madam,

RE: WINNING NOTIFICATION/FINAL NOTICE. We are pleased to inform you of the release today the 17th of July 2006, of the Hispanic Lottery SA. International program held on the 10th of May. 2006. Your company or personal email address attached to ticket number 305-12294178-819 with serial number 2275-99 drew lucky numbers 8-23-55-6-4-32 which consequently won the lottery in the 2nd category. You have therefore been approved for a lump sum payout of 1,000,000.00 Euro (One million Euros) in cash credited to file Ref. No CZ/2311786008/06.This is from a total cash prize of 20 million Euro shared among other international lucky winners in this category.

CONGRATULATIONS. Your fund is now deposited with our Correspondence paying Financial Institution and your winning details attached. Due to mix up of some numbers and names, we ask that you keep this winning private from public notice until your claim has been processed and your money remitted to your designated account. This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claim and unwarranted taking advantage of this program by participants.

All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from over 500,000 companies and individual email addresses from all over the world as part of our international promotions, which takes place every year for a free promotion. This prize is free for you and is an avenue for our publicity towards future staking. All international winners are processed by authorized licensed Agent by the Spanish Government and recommended by The Spanish Lottery Board. Your winning amount is insured and will be released for payment by the Ministry after all data Clarification and Verification. Government taxes and commission of the winning amount can not be deducted from the winning amount, because of the bond policy cover. You are required to contact our processing agency with below email address with your full Name, Telephone and Fax Number to process your winning and
submit your file with our correspondence paying institution. And we hope with part of your winning, you will take part in our end of year stake of 50 million Euro. International lottery. Remember, all winning must be claimed not later than 20th of November 2006. After this date all unclaimed fund will be returned to the pool as unclaimed.

NOTE: In order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications, please remember to quote your Reference, Batch, Serial and Draw numbers in all correspondence and contact your claims agent MR. MORGAN HOLMES, Bond Finance Agency, bronfinanconsult@netscape.net furthermore, should there be any change of address do inform your agent as soon as possible. Anybody under the age of 18 years is automatically disqualified. Thank you for being part of our promotional program.

Yours sincerely,
Mrs. Agnes Nadah
Director of Promotion.

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There is no way I am not going to get this money from them in Spaina! I'm going to rent a bus and everyone who wants to go can go. We will also have a keg on the bus! Booze bus!

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From: bigfritzhenry@mac.com
To: Mrs. A. Nadal (thlsa@walla.com)
Cc: bronfinanconsult@netscape.net
Date: Fri Aug 18, 2006 04:58:10 PM PDT

Dear Mrs. Agnes Nadah(Nadal?) and Mr. Morgan Holmes;

I have what you've been looking for:
Ticket #305-12294178-819
serial number #2275-99
lucky numbers #8-23-55-6-4-32
Ref# CZ/2311786008/06
Prize money 20,000,000 Euros!
Winning a lottery in Spain, which you never even knew about: Prizeless!

Spectacualr is the first word that comes to mind about this new Hispanic Lottery SA! I didn't know they even used the term "hispanic" to describe anything in Espana! I thought they would just say "spanish." I WAS DEAD WRONG! My spanish is very good! I haven't spoken it in years. I am ready to go to Espana with my hermano (Lago Henry)!! We will be there in a few days. Look out! perdido! We are going to take your country by estorma! I will paint the town agua! Y sacapuntas!

I have never been to Spain. My favorite place to go is going to be the sword factories in Toledo. I have never been to Toledo, Ohio. Go Lake Erie! The dirtiest of the Great Lakes (Huron, Ontario, Michigan, Erie & Superior!) HOMES! Do you have dirty lagos in Espana? I will soon see! Thanks in advance for arranging everything for our trip! We are going to take your ciudades via estorma! And by car! What should I do with my winnings? I own a bank (THE WEST BANK, soon to be open in Espana as well as Estatoes Unitos!) Do you have apartamentos in Espana? Crunch wrap supremas?

I only have one request before I show up at your place of business with my brother (Lake Henry) his very strong and dangerous buddies (Jafar and Basil Obed), my attornies (Jabu Khanyile and Charlton Davies), my inkjet printer ink supplier (Molly Harden) and my biggest fan (Caroly/Carolyn Young/Anderson)! We will take your business like a bunch of tough guys and bulls. We will get my money you have promised me. This is not a threat. My request is this: Can you send me a map to your home and business addresses via Mapquest or Google Maps (Beta version)?

Tus Sinceremente,
Fritz Henry

email from Erna Koenig / This bank is off the button, y'all!

The offers keep rolling down on me about people being excited about my bank (THE WEST BANK, now we're getting you wet!) This cool lady, Erna Koenig, wrote to me about wanting a job, I think.

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From: Erna Koenig (ErnaKoenig@0451.com)
To: bigfritzhenry@mac.com
Date: Sun Jul 16, 2006 10:30:17 PM PDT
Subject: Your cash, mortgage broker

Even if you have no erectin problems SOFT CIASLIS would help you to make BETTER SESX MORE OFTEN! and to bring unimagnable plesure to her. Just disolve half a pil under your tongue and get ready for action in 15 minutes. The tests showed that the majority of men after taking this medic ation were able to have PERFECT ERIECTION during 36 hours! VISIT US, AND GET OUR SPECIAL 70% DISCZOUNT OFER!

happened every day, Jonathan Seagull began his critique of the flight. We turned in our passes to the last sergeant, only this time, for a and they needed more to sleep. lies if it came from within the institute, because nobody there knew all illogic signifies the purity from which it has departed. green stuff the better. He trades his life for greenbacks. And so it looked He turned to land on the beach, beating his wings to stop an inch in INSTITUTE FOR EXTRATERRESTRIAL CULTURES

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She sounded very qualified, so I called her in for an interview/meeting/talk.

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From: bigfritzhenry@mac.com
To: Erna Koenig (ErnaKoenig@0451.com)
Date: Thu Aug 17, 2006 03:15:11 PM PDT

Erna, Erna, Erna, Erna, Erna, Erna, Erna Koenig. My, my, my, my (my) what an email. I am very impressed that you want to talk with me about my cash. I have some cash right now (ones, fives, a few tens, one twenty dollar bill), but soon I will have an veritable ocean of dollars floating my way vea a stream of money from Europe and Africa. My bank (THE WEST BANK, on the jet stream to the future!) is about to start going strong. If you don't ask me, ask my brother (Lake Henry) and he'll tell you to ask me and I'll tell you it's about to start going strong! The bank (THE WEST BANK, not in Israel!) is about to "go off" (in reference to the chain or the hook or the button, as in "go off the button, y'all!")! This bank (THE WEST BANK, now off the button!) is off the button, y'all!

I am definitely going to need people who are willing to talk about cash and even more so, people who are willing to talk about mortgage. I rent the property used for the bank (THE WEST BANK, fourth floor, apartment 42B!). I want to own or possibly rent-to-own the property. I own some property in Wisconsin (Door County boulevard) and I am in talks to sell it to a very good business woman, Geraldine Dickens. So, I have a ladn ownership history! I have never owned a gun. There will be no guns at my bank (THE WEST BANK, no security! Except in your future!) There will however be music playing at all times in the West Bank (my bank). Usually I will play Thai-language easy-listening versions of Simon & Garfunkel ("the graduate" and "mr. & mrs. robinson") and also some Thai (?) language versions of scores for Hollywood (California) movies. For example, "The Godfather," "The Graduate," and "Edward Scissorshands." Now do you see why this place is gonna be off the button, y'all?

So, I have a job opening for you: Cash Consultant/Mortgage Broker. I don't need to interview you. Maybe you could write me an essay/poem or poem telling me why you think you should be the one to consult with people about their cash situations and about the mortgages (for houses). Here is an example (in hiaku):

I am the best one
to consult about your cash
because I work at the Institute for Extraterrestrial Cultures

See, not so hard. I would hire you. And I'm the one doing the hiring.

-Fritz Henry

p.s. I have erectin problems. Is this something else you could help me with?

email from Geraldine Dickens / We are working out a real estate deal!!!!

The offers keep piling in to help me out wiht my new bank (THE WEST BANK, now we are a bank!). Ms. Dickens has offered to purchase land from me so I can get money for my bank (THE WEST BANK, now with less land!).

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From: Geraldine Dickens (GeraldineDickens@0733.com)
To: bigfritzhenry@mac.com
Date: Sun Jul 16, 2006 03:23:59 AM PDT
Subject: Future, well-rated

Your cre dit doesn't matter to us! If you OWN real est ate and want IMMEDIATET cash to spend ANY way you like, or simply wish to LOWER your monthly paym ents by a third or more, here are the dea ls we have TODAY (hurry, these ofers will expre TONIGHT):

$488,000.00 at a 3.67,% fixed-rate1
$372,000.00 at a 3.90,% variable-rateL
$492,000.00 at a 3.21,% interest-only0
$248,000.00 at a 3.36,% fixed-rateI
$198,000.00 at a 3.55,% variable-rateM

Hurry, when these deals are gone, they are gone Simply fill out this one-min ute form... Don't worry about approval, your cre dit will not disqualify you!

" Redrick said nothing. Thanks! You fell apart, and I had to rescue you. home." thought that while he had the time he should take care of whatever could be was I sitting in this lousy two-bit town for? I thought, let the whole place that it was probably hollow and that it should be hot to the touch from
and unexpectedly, even for myself, took a heavy mug from the counter and the shower in his stocking feet, leaving sticky footprints. He would stay in Arthur seemed to have perked up and was walking full speed. He had one stalker, no grumbling now, you knew what you were getting into. Five hundred above it, getting thicker between the hills, and nothing was visible beyond know better than to believe Father about you being friends. And"

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I love when people send me stories with their emails. That's so entertaining of them! I am entertained with them! Hey, I have land for her:

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From: bigfritzhenry@mac.com
To: Geraldine Dickens (GeraldineDickens@0733.com)
Date: Wed Aug 16, 2006 05:31:24 PM PDT

Dear Ms. Geraldine Dickens,

It's like my prayers our answered every single day now. I need money for my bank (THE WEST BANK, we need money!) and now I can get money for my bank (THE WEST BANK, now with money!)! I have exactly the thing you're looking for to get a lone from. I own real estate, but it's in Wisconsin. Will this be a problem? I think it won't be. You should listen to me, I own a bank (THE WEST BANK, full of good truth! And money!)

I own a piece of real estate that is in the thumb of Wisconsin, I refer to the area as Door County. It is a beautiful location and I think you will really like it the property I own is a boulevard in front of a fudge shoppe. I own all of the grass and bushes straight out from the fudge and delicacies shoppe, as well as the pavement extending two feet out from the boulevard on eithe rside (not THE NORTH SIDE) and also not the south side. I also own a circular segment in the middle of the street directly next to the manhole cover on the corners of Wilcoot and Honeycoot lanes. Sounds livable and useable! I know! You could put a grill on the boulevard! You could put a bike rack on the boulevard (no segways)! You could put a queue for a ticket window on the boulevard! You could put a cart-return on the b oulevard! THe possibilities for your new piece of land would be limitless! THE CIRCULAR PIECE OF REAL ESTATE NEXT TO AND APPROXIMATELY THE SAME SIZE AS THE MANHOLE COVER IS USELESS! I'll throw that piece of turd in for the same lloan! As a deal! We are working out a real estate deal!!!!

So, let's make this deal happen immediately! I will not be offering this deal after tomorrow night ('LOST" re-runs)! I estimate the worth of the land to be roughly $800 dollars US or roughly $800 dollars US tin or rubber. Let's make a deal (just like the saying)!!
I feel that I would qualify for a loan at a fixed-rate of about 17% or so. I think this would be accurate. I CAN NOT REPAY THE LOAN.

Call me at home about this stuff. We can get appetizers! or Tapas (appetizers, but with fish)!

-Fritz Henry

p.s. I don't believe you for a second that "Redrick said nothing." There is no way that Redrick said nothing! Redrick is a talker talker talker. He'll talk your butt off. Just ask my brother (LAKE HENRY). He has no butt (figaturively) anymore.

EMAIL FROM JABU KHANYILE / DO THEY HAVE ALLERGIES IN SOUTH AFRICA?

I have an investor for my bank (THE WEST BANK, America's newest bank probably!)! He's my first investor and he sounds like he really wants to unload some money. Here is his email:

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From: Mr. Jabu Khanyile (jabukhanyile334@yahoo.com)
To: bigfritzhenry@mac.com
Date: Sat Jul 15, 2006 06:21:33 AM PDT
Subject:

15th July 2006

Dear Sir,

STRATEGIC INVESTMENT INTEREST

I represent a high net worth client, who urgently desires to make discretionary placement of a tidy eight figure sum in viable investment. Preferably in tax friendly offshore jurisdictions, through a blind investment trust serving as a discreet special purpose vehicle. If you are willing to handle the portfolio, please indicate promptly to enable me advise more details. Please note that your role will be handsomely rewarded.

Sincerely,
Mr. Jabu Khanyile.
jabukhanyile@aim.com
sk99au@netscape.net

Lukh and Associate
Solicitors, Notary Public & Legal Adviser.
No. 318 Barkston Drive, Ranburg
Johannesburg-South Africa

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I am a very popular person in Africa! I get all sorts of emails from them!!!

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From: bigfritzhenry@mac.com
To: Mr. Jabu Khanyile (sk99au@netscape.net)
Date: Tue Aug 15, 2006 06:29:48 PM PDT

THis is so awesome! At least! Yesterday I had my first fanmail! and today I have my first investment interest mail! I am totally interested in your investment!!!!! This is going to be the best bank ever (THE WEST BANK, now we have investors!!!)!!!! As my first investor, Mr. Jabu Khanyile (pronounciation?), you desrerve some sort of prise or something that would be something you would like, like a bunch of balloons or I've seen these cookie baskets from Snookie's Cookies that have all sorts of cookie (snookies?) of different sizes and colors and flavors and then you can eat all of them. Does that sound like a good enough prize for having the first investment in my bank (THE WEST BANK, right across the street from Supercuts AND Snookie's Cookes!)? I think it does. Do you like snookies?

I can not eat most snookies, because I'm allergic to treenuts, peanuts, cashews, walnuts, almonds, raisins and other nuts! I AM ALLERGIC! I am not deathly allergic. My allergist (DR. KEENERWORTHY) said that I am not allergic to "anything but to everything!" I thought that was quotable. I'M NOT ALLERGIC TO SEAFISH OR SHELLFOOD. I do eat lobster. I llike chocolate lobsters the best. You can only get them from Long Beach, I'm sorry but it's true. If I eat one peanut or treenut or hear that someone across the street is eating a raisin oatmeal cookie, I break out in spots and bumps. My skin gets bumpy and spotty and my insides get large and in charge. What I mean by that is that my insides get larger and they feel like they will come out of my spotty and bumpy skin, especially in my neck area because that is where my insides expand the most when I have an allergic reaction. DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ALLERGIES? DO THEY HAVE ALLERGIES IN SOUTH AFRICA? Are you allergic to anything I am? THis could be a bonding issue or it could be our death certificate (but only if you tell my brother (LAKE HENRY) or his little gang (JAFAR OBED, BASIL OBED, MOLLY HARDEN, RON LIVINGSTON, etc. etc.).

Let's talk about the bank for a second (THE WEST BANK!!!! GUARANTEED ALLERGEN FREE!!! EXCEPT SEAFISH!) and your investment. At the moment my bank (THE WEST BANK!!! WE DO HAVE SHELLFOOD!! EVERYDAY!!!) only has "ones" and "fives" and four "twenties" and a "ten" with a phone number written on it (THE PRESIDENT?). Could you just place your investment with change and "tens" and "twenties?" If you want to give my like one or two "hundreds," I think we could manaage that. Anything more than that and we'll have to think about security. I have two locks on the front door to my apartment, plus a security door, but I only have the key for the bolt lock on the inside door. I'm working on getting new screens for the windows. Are you eating a raisin or treenut cookie right now? I can feel my intestine and my voicebox expanding slowly. are there peanuts in FIDDLE FADDLE? I have to go to the hospital.

-Fritz Henry

email from Caroly Young / My First Fan!!!!!!!!!!!!

I recently got my first piece of fanmail! I can't believe it! I am a star! I don't know who Caroly Young/Carol Anderson is, but I think we're going to have be together forever in the next few weeks!

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From: Caroly Young (clanderson45@yahoo.com)
To: bigfritzhenry@mac.com
Date: Fri Aug 11, 2006 08:42:45 PM PDT
Subject: Carol Anderson , Oh My...Conesus Lake

Hi Fritz Henry....Do you ignore all women who send you songs? I sent the words to the address on your card so I'm giving you one more chance because I think you are compassionate and kind enough to not leave me out on this limb alone. It was just a week ago tonite that you came and I waited for you tonite but you didn't come. I hope you're up in your North Country and not with that Mollie Frigging Harden. I also think you should have told me about Sue Bauer, since I felt like Mrs. Robinson with my personal life showing when I was with you. The song I wrote is about you and about me and I'm sending it to you because it's yours and I needed to write it to start breathing again. I needed to get that honesty out of the way so I can freely gush about your music. (the oh my started for me before you got out of the boat). You have such clarity in your voice and your gifts vocally and on guitar are astounding. Words are important to me and I don't use them casually and in that spirit I think you are an exquisite musician. In my practice I spend about half my time working with artists of all sorts and the creative process so I know a little of what I'm talking about. It's a great passion of mine as well as rust, patina, light and shadows, symmetry, gardening and architectural structure, anything Indian, primitive,and instinctual, and I do like cold slaw. Now about Sue Bowden...don't go parking in her garage...,I know I'm complicated and I'm trying hard here to find a way and this has really caught me by surprise. I hope that you don't think of me as some psycho-stalker-groupie chick....but I'll take it if it's the only job open. Hey, I didn't start this, you came to me, remember? In any case, I'll send a tape to you, as the music
is good. Warmly, Carol

You came across the water and walked right in my life.
Picked up my 12-string, and made it full of light
Sitting in my kitchen, singing Buffet songs,
Letting me harmonize along.
And all I could think was...Oh My.
And all I could think was....Oh My.

You weren't supposed to be here, I was not expecting you
But this old soul of mine it knows a thing or two.
Not to let a moment pass that won't come round again,
Caught it blowing round the bend, caught it blowing in the wind.
And all I could feel was ...Oh my. Oh my.

I went to the Sierra to hear your Mountain Stream
Got caught up in the current of your talent and your dreams.
I watched you with your friends that night, my eyes into your soul,
And you are as you seem, and you are as you sing.
And my heart said OhMy...my heart said OhMy.

Life is sometimes funny what it brings around
Sometimes with a fury, sometimes with a sound,
In the quiet part of me I know it to be true,
Risk in crossing paths with you.
And your songs are now in my heart..Oh my
And your songs are now in my heart...Oh my.

Today's a Sunny Sunday and I watched the water drift.
Thought alot about you and all your special gifts.
I sometimes think of you out there singing in the night,
Oh, singing in the night.
I smile and say Oh my. I smile and say Oh my.

Out here at the lake it's always 5 o'clock.
There's devil in the eggs and sunscreen on the dock.
I know no way but open, it's just who I am,
And you have become my friend,
You have become my friend. Oh my...Oh my.

I am here surviving just like your weathered barn
A witness to the forces of the weather of the heart.
Some things I just know, it's my gift to you,
To give witness to a moment with you,
To give witness to a moment with you.
Oh my, oh my.

If you can find a way, then find your way back again,
And if not, it's ok, you won't be very far away.
Oh my, my oh my.

(alternative ending...and if not, it's not ok, and I hope
you rot in hell) Please write back or I may write Lake and I'll bet he'll get back to me. xxooxx

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I know, what you're thinking! It was really long! And she's a songwirter! That's so amazing and special and cool and obviously outstanding and fulpretcher! Yo!!! I wrote back to her, because I took issue to a line in one of her songs that she wrote for me and I needed to let her know that she's had it. I think we're still going to be together forever. I may have made this bad for us. I have the tempers.

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From: bigfritzhenry@mac.com
To: Caroly Young (clanderson45@yahoo.com)
Date: Mon Aug 14, 2006 04:14:29 PM PDT

You are my first fan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How about that?!!!???!!!!!???? Is this something you do often? You often are a fan to people? That's great! Super graet!

So, I have so many questions for you? Did you send the words to the correct address on my card? Did you send them to the red box on the wall next to the picture of the Shirley Temple flower? Or did you send it to the Teddy Bear shaped mailbox at the end of the driveway? You should have sent any words to the red box on the wall next to the picture of the wilting Shirley Temple flower with drooping nature drips. I am actually not spending time with Molly Harden. WE broke IT OFF before it got too serious. We were just about to meet for the first time and she flopped and ran (with all of my ink for my bank (THE WEST BANK, now we need ink!) and part of my heart (the other part belongs to my mom (PATTY CREAMER) and my brother (LAKE HENRY)). I would like to hear from Molly Harden again sometime. It's possible she can get me outstanding deals on other types of office supplies (paper cutter? extension chords?). I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF SUE BAUER. I PROMISE YOU.

I liked your song so much that I read the whole thing and then wehn I was done reading it I thouhgt about it. This is what I think about it: If there is such a thing as devil in the eggs and sunscreen on the dock, then what the gracious is next? I eat eggs all the time and I eat them without devil. I specifically ask for them to be "devil free." I go out of my way to order eggs which are filled with GOD and GOD alone. I can't even emagine what it would be like to eat eggs with devil inside. Eggs are nature's seed and nature uses eggs to grow things. In particular CHICKENS and BIRDS. I don't like birds (at all), but I do eat a lot of birds. I also eat birds and egggs. I bet you think that's stupid. I bet you would have something to say about this. I bet you would say there's devil in my dumb stupid chicken! There is not devil in my chicken. I specifically order chicken with only the father, the son, and the holy spirit inside. It tastes like chicken. So you can write your songs and you can write about sunscreen on the dock and you can take your stupid devil eggs and mail them to starving kids in Africa and Somalia and Ethipoa and everywhere and China and maybe they'll eat your evil eggs with the devil inside and not know that what they're eating isn't even CHRISTian. How do you think about that?

-Fritz Henry

p.s. I just remembered deviled eggs. They're good, as long as they don't have an overabundance of paprika and spices and they're served in Tupperware. So, don't send those to Africa. I want them.

email from Sue Bowden / the invisible principle of all life

I got an email from Sue Bowden finally! She wrote me this great peom about garages and feathers and boots and it's awesome and I can't believe she wrote me. I don't know who she is, but it's exciting because I think we are going to be dating sometime!

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From: Sue Bowden (SueBowden@mail.ru)
To: bigfritzhenry@mac.com
Date: Tue Jul 11, 2006 03:29:25 AM PDT
Subject: NEK

nothing seemed to have changed in the garage since the last time. The dump his sixteen point vertical slow roll and the next day topped it off with a We got up into the boot, and Kirill took the controls and said: invisible principle of all life. Then, as he spoke, his feathers went

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Now you see why I am so worked up! I can't control what I'm thinking about at all! I love this!

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From: bigfritzhenry@mac.com
To: Sue Bowden (SueBowden@mail.ru)
Date: Thu Aug 03, 2006 06:10:43 PM PDT

Now, Ms. Bowden (Ms. or Mrs? Or Miss? Are you married is what I'm asking. I think we should think about thinking about getting married. Because we have a lot in common, for instance, we both like change, of course in my case it's coins and in your case it's changing your garage so it doesn't look like a dump. Let's make this happen!) your email to me really really really interested myself and what I like in a woman (features like Nancy Travis, hair, eyes, weight, etc.)! Am I wrong here? Don't ask my brother (LAKE HENRY). In fact, don't talk to my brother (LAKE HENRY). He is a womanizer and he will steal your attention from me. Also do not talk to Basil Obed's brother (JAFAR OBED) I have heard he's just like my brother (LAKE HENRY). I suppose you like that (strong arms, muscles, goatee, skin, eyes, etc.) Why wouldn't you want to meet my brother (LAKE HENRY)? All women do. You don't have to feel bad. Just because we have something incredibly in common between the two of our hearts and minds and spirtits and things.

Let me tell you waht I can offer you: my heart, my mind, my imitable spirit, my bank (THE WEST BANK, now we've got spirit, yes we do), my photography (flowers, animals, fish, Hawaii, etc.), my balding head, my hairy back, my love for John Candy. I have everything you could ever want in a man (email ability). So, what's the hold up. Seriously, do not ever even think about thinking about talking to my brother (LAKE HENRY). He will eat you alive. He is not a cannibal. I am not challenging you. I am not calling him a bad boy so you will like him. I am laying it out straight. I am straight. Lake (and probably Jafar) are not to be trusted. They do not work at my bank (THE WEST BANK, now we can be trusted!)

I read your email to me and it made think about my life and about what I'm doing with my life and what I could be doing with my life and what I've done with my life and other people's lives and what they're doing and about garages. And this is what I've figured out: the invisible principle of all life is this: trust. Everything is based on trust. And money. Do you have any money? Would you trust me enough to put your money in my bank (THE WEST BANK, now with one parking spot!)? I would.

-Fritz Henry

p.s. Who's Kirill? (boyfriend? I hope not. I just broke up with my girlfriend (Molly Harden). HINT HINT. ) Also, if you know anywhere to get more cheap ink cartridges for my printer, that would be super cool too.

email from Flossie Rivera / someone who DOES NOT ACCEPT THE ORDINARY

The other day I got an email from an idividual named "Flossie Rivera." I'm pretty sure it was poetry and I'm pretty sure it was good. This sparked my interest and I wanted to know more and also I wanted to meet Flossie. Here is his (her (probably his (possibly hers))) email:

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From: Flossie Rivera (FlossieRivera@mail.ru)
To: bigfritzhenry@mac.com
Date: Tue Jul 11, 2006 06:35:01 AM PDT
Subject: LVL

"Fine thing," he said to me. "They're looking for you all over the himself. Such promises are only for the gulls that accept the ordinary. Zone to grab everything they can lay their hands on. It's become a whole new quietly with them all, exhorting them never to stop their learning and

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Here is my response:

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From: bigfritzhenry@mac.com
To: Flossie Rivera (FlossieRivera@mail.ru)
Date: Tue Aug 01, 2006 05:24:41 PM PDT

Dear Mr. (Miss?) Flossie Rivera,
You sound like someone who can get things done! I can see that you are not a "gull" who "accepts the ordinary!" That's very impressive! I hate birds. I am not lying here. I hate them. Do not get me started on the Lorakeet exhibit at the Long Beach Aquariaum of the Pacific in Long Beach! I hate them! No joke, but I have seen a "gull" pick up a "clam" and then drop the "clam" onto a "rock" and then go back down and pick up the "clam" and then the "clam" is open and you can see the "inside of the clam" and then the "gull" eats the "clam!" And then, without dipping it's "beak" into the "ocean" or anything, the "gull" fratracideses with other "gulls" and everything!! They are filthy! I wash my hands! Believe me! I wash my hands whether I want to or not! Also, I hate clams.

So, here is the service that you are going to end up providing for me whether you like it or not: you are going to help me out with something. Sounds plausible? Sounds like a good deal, I'll say. To me, you have nothing to lose. I am starting up a bank (THE WEST BANK, we do not accept clams) and I have some issues with money money money! I don't have money. I have multiple investors promising me money from Africa (Charlton Davies and Peter Clive, Basil Obed and Jafar Obed, and Hajia Mariam) All in all, the money adds up to something like $30 Million US Dollars. This is where you come in: you can get the money. They need someone (someone who DOES NOT ACCEPT THE ORDINARY, i.e. You, Flossie Rivera) to say they are a long lost family member and open a few (totally legal) accounts overseas. This is where you come in: you can do it!!!! I have no problem accepting the fact that you could bend the truth (LIE) like this. I can not. I am not a good liar. I AM NOT A GOOD LIAR AT ALL. I am so gullible. If someone wanted to trick me into getting money from me that belongs to me, they could do it. This is where you come in: you must travel to Europe and Africa and open thses account and get the money and then bring the money back to the US to deposit into my bank (THE WEST BANK, now with more money (from Flossie Rivera (cross your fingers America)))! Simple! I would have my brother (LAKE HENRY) do it, but he's a skeeve. I know I shouldn't talk about my blood like that, bu t realistically he's a "GULL" who only likes "CLAMS." Is that someone I want working for my bank (THE WEST BANK, no longer serving birds)? Nope. N-O-P-E-R-S. Nope. Question answered by me.

I'll see you in a few minutes.
Belovedly Yours As Usual,
Fritz Henry

p.s. Are you a man or woman, because if you're a woman, you can forget everything. I don't turst you.