The Fritz Henry Emails

Comedy or Schmomedy?

From :  Fritz Henry
Sent : Friday, February 13, 2004 1:03 AM
To : robcomedy@hotmail.com

Subject : Comedy or Schmomedy?

Dear Rockie the Clown,
I think that you're clown look is really great!!!!  I really like thee hearts on each cheek and the braids.  I have short hair.  My brother (Lake Henry) used to have long hair.  He has never worn it in braids.  I am thinking about getting into the magician business.  Do you know anything about magic?  I am thinking about getting into the magician businees.  I am thinking about starting a one or possibly two or possibly three man magic show.  here is what the show will be:
1)  I will be on the stage dressed as a clown.  I will have a raccoon (fake) on my shoulder.
2)  Lake will sit on a chair holding a boom box.  The boom box will play "Watching Scotty Grow."
3)  When the song gets to the part when I watch Scotty shine, then the raccoon will began to dance and/or levitate.  I will have the help of magician Paul Nardini and Steve Guttenberg for this.  There will probably not be an dowels or balsa wood or fishing line.
4)  This is where I need you to come in and pull off everything.  We are going to be doing this show in front of a live audience of about ten to twelve possible investors.  If this mini show goes well, then we will get some financial backing and then it will be smooth sailing.  So, I need you to do balloon or balloon related magic tricks.  I need you specifically to make a funny moustache joke regarding my (fake) moustache.  It would also help if you could make a funny fish hat for Steve Guttenberg.
5)  THe finale will be the last thing that we do in the show.

Do you think this sounds liek something you can do?  Does it seem like comedy or schmomedy?  I think comedy.  I think if we added some sort of styrofoam globes tricks or something like that it might cross the line into schmomedy.  On the other hand, that may be the direction we want to take.  What do you think?  I think shmomedy is okay, as long as everyone in the audience and on stage is in the same boat and knows where they are heading and that it is deep into the schmomedy arena.  wow.  I am so hungry.
I will be hearing from you by next saturday and then we will practice things.

-Fritz Henry

Dancing/Levitating Raccoons

From : Fritz Henry
Sent : Thursday, February 12, 2004 12:57 AM
To : support@magicextreme.com

Subject : Dancing/Levitating Raccoons

Hello, Jeremy Nelson!!!!  Wow!  I have never met anyone that can levitate, much less teach others how to levitate as well.  THis is very exciting.  How high can you levitate?  Do you ever have to use a stepladder?  I am 5'9".  I have to use a step ladder only when I am reaching for the microwave popcorn, the matches, the lighter fluid, or the antique sitar that my brother (Lake Henry) gave to me for my birthday when I turned 27.  I am a huge fan of magic and also of Renaissance era music!!!  What about you?  What kinds of music do you like/appreciate?  Have you ever heard of something called Depression-Era Blues?  That's a music joke.  Did you like it?  I am trying to perfect a stand-up routine.  It mostly deals with the dangers of alcohol and with Ted Danson and with music.  Does that sound like something that would appeal to the magician audience?  I would like to know your opinion on the subject.  Do you ever levitate when you don't want to?  I imagine that could be a problem?  It's hard enough for me to control my Empty Gaze Syndrome.  I cna't even imagine also having to levitate when I'm trying to talk business with the Amway lady or play Dance Dance Revolution against Bo-Phan at the Galleria.

Here is what I need from you.  Can you please tell me how to make a raccoon dance on my shoulder.  I am not talking about a live raccoon.  I could make that happen.  I want to know about a stuffed one.  Do you think a stuffed raccon could do a two step?  I saw David Blaine in the Atlanta Underground with Lake.  Lake believed that the raccoon was real.  I knew that it was not, but my eyes also saw that it was, even thought my mind knew that it wasn't real.  I need this to happen on my shoulder.  I am going to soon have an opportunity to do magic tricks for both Steve Guttenberg and world famous magician Paul Nardini.  I need to make the raccoon do the shimmy or the two-step.  Would it be kosher if I pretended that he played in the NBA and then made a three-point shot and then bounced his shoulders and then bobbed his head?  I could also make the raccoon wear a basketball jersey.  Have you ever seen somethign like this before?  I think it would be funny.  I would of course mention that the raccoon is not good at basketball.  This is where the levitating comes in.  I will need you teach myself, Paul Nardini, and the raccon how to levitate.  The raccoon will also need to be real at this point.  I need Lake and Steve Guttenberg to believe this and then see that the raccoon is real and then see the raccoon dunk a basketball and then I will levitate and you and Paul Nardini will do synchronized levitation to the beat of me playing the sitar.  Can you handle all of this?  I COULD ALWAYS GET SOMEONE ELSE.

I am counting on you.  I will be in Rochester in May to practice and then we will pull everything off in June.  We will only have one chance.  BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND YOU WILL PREVAIL.

-Fritz Henry

Three Men and My Magical Show/Presentation/Seminar

From :  Fritz Henry
Sent : Saturday, February 7, 2004 11:16 PM
To : info@PaulNardini.com

Subject : Three Men and My Magical Show/Presentation/Seminar

Dear Paul Nardini!  I saw your website.  I loved it.  You must be an exccellent magician if your website is any indication of it!!!!!  I am slightly interested in your eyebrows.  Can you teach me any tricks that have to do with animals or flowers of any kind?  I really like flowers and animals.  Is there any sort of audience participation thing that we could do with this?  I need your help, deperately.  I have a problem.  I am getting ready to put on my three man stage show, "Three Men and a Baby: A Postmodern Look at Three Very Modern Men and Their Baby."  I will of course be playing Tom Selleck (the moustache will not be real)  my brother (Lake Henry) will of course play Ted Danson and Steve Guttenberg will play himself.  What I need is a third person to help us sell this idea to our investors.  Is this something you could help us with?  I saw on your website that you are available to corporations to help wiht seminars.  This will be sort of like that.  Here is what we need you to do:

1) Do three (comedic) magic tricks to lighten the mood.  I prefer tricks that deal with animals or flowers.  Lake prefers tricks that deal with women.  I do not know what kind of magic that STeve likes.

2) Do three (non-comedic) magic tricks to get everyone back in the business mode.  These should preferablly be some sort of card trick or audience participation board game or trivia game.  Do you own Scattergories?  Would you need me to buy you a copy?  I would of course take the price of the 2004 version out of your fee.  I think that's only reasonbable since I will have no use for the game after the seminar and you could probably use it in your show.

3)  I need you to do some hypnotism.  Could you hypnotise Steve Guttenberg.  He has already agreed to this.  He would like to be hypnotised to stop smoking.  Then five minuttes later he would like to be hypnotised to start smoking again.  And then we will document the five minutes in between when he will not be smoking and then the three of us (myself, Lake, you) will show this document to Steve and will (hopefully) agree that he is a much better man/husband/father/friend/client/performer when he is not smoking (our potential investors will also be encouraged to stop smoking (in which case they will need to be hypnotised too)).  Then if you smoke, I will need you to promise to quit (it would only be fair).  Then I would need you to hypnottise Lake so that he thinks he's James Bond.

4)  Finally I will need you to be on board with this one.  I will need you to allow yourself to be sawed in half by Lake.  Do not worry, Lake is an experienced carpenter.  This will be the big finale of our seminar/magic show.  Lake will provide the saw.  You will provide the box and the torso (your own).  I don't know how you will do this trick, but please make it a trick!  I do not like blood, and this presentation/seminar/magic show is very important for my future.

Thank you and I look forward to working with you.  I think that we would be a good team on and off thhe stage.  Do you ever go horseback ridiing?
I will hear from you soon.

-Fritz Henry

Very Magical Talking

From :  Fritz Henry
Sent : Thursday, February 5, 2004 11:00 PM
To : bill@politemagic.com

Subject : Very Magical Talking

Hello, Bill!!!  I was so glad when I found your website.  I love magic!!!!!!!  I am thinking about becoming a magician.  Do you think that would be a good idea?  I have never done any magic tricks before.  I have seen many magic tricks before.  Have you ever seen Brian Gillis?  I have never seen Brian Gillis?  Have you ever seen Penn & Teller?  I have never seen Penn & Teller.  Once my brother (Lake Henry) and I were in Atlanta at the underground and we saw this guy who looked like David Blaine.  What do you think about David Baline?  Have you ever seen David Blaine?  I saw him in Atlanta with my brother with a fake raccoon on his shoulder.  We were outside the Hooters and we saw him with a little stuffed raccon that moved around on his shoulder.  Have you ever done that trick.  The raccoon just did a little dance and then it sat back down on his shoulder.  There was a girl there from Hooters who didn't believe it.  I did believe what I was seeing?  Is that the average?

Okay, time's up.  I have another question for you.  A man runs from home, takes three lefts, sees a man wearing a mask, and then runs back to where he came from.  What happened?  That's a one minute mystery.  Is that similar to a magic trick do you think?

Okay, so what I wanted to tell you is that I want to be a magician.  I do not want to do polite magic like yourself, but I do not want to work blue.  I would think that a good name for my magic would be  something like: very magical talking.  I checked out your link How Do I Decide Which Magician To Hire.  I have a problem.  You listed 4 main things about hiring magicians.  1. Availability, 2. Reliability, 3. Skill, 4. Personality, 5. Appearance, and 6. Price  My problem is this.  I do not look like a magician and I can not do magic tricks.  Is this going to be a problem?  Do you think that I could fill up a little time with one minute mysteries and David Blaine impressions?  Do you think that David Blaine could hang upside down inside the Roman Coliseum over a pit of salt water, while being photographed with 35mm film?  I think that I could take the pictures.  I look a little bit like a chunky Louie Anderson.

I assume that you will be writing me back within the hour.  I am glad to hear from you.
-Fritz Henry

American Magician Idol

From :  Fritz Henry
Sent : Tuesday, February 3, 2004 2:38 AM
To : brigillis@aol.com

Subject : American Magician Idol

Hey, Brian!!!  I just visited your webiste, www.gillismagic.com.  I have a few things to say to you:
1)  You're site is really great!!!  I love it!!  I am a huge fan of magicians and magician homepages.  I do not know any magic myself.  I have tried to learn a few card tricks along the way but for the most part I can only guess in the "general ballpark" of the card that the person picked.  Have you ever tried the trick called, "Hold Them Fast, Hold Them Tight, or by the end of the night..."?  I tried to learn that trick after I visited the Houdini museum in Appleton, WI.  I couldn't do it.  Do you think I had too many spades in the deck?  I am such a huge fan of cards and card games.  Do you thiink it would be considered a card trick, if I was able to win three games of Uno in a row?  What if I told you that I could do it in under an hour?  Incidentally, when you are playing Uno, do you use the jokers as wild cards or as draw four cards?  Have you ever played with Phillip Meyer?  He is extremely good, at Uno.  I always beat him at Racko.

2)  I love the idea of you trying to pick up your wife (?)/ girlfriend (?).  I always try to pick up people and I can usually do it.  If I was able to pick up my uncle John, do you think that would be a magic trick, would it help if I told you that he never leaves his Happy Sleeper lounger?  I think that thing weighs as much as a Volksawagon.

3)  My brother (Lake Henry)  would like to get the chance to pick up your wife.  He says that he could do it.  I showed him the picture of Mr. Universe trying to lift your wife on your site.  Lake does not believe in magic.  Lake says that he can pick up any woman and get her to pay for his Ne-Hi in less than five minutes.  I don't drink soda.  The carbonation makes me gassy.  I also like to sit in the library looking at things and then I don't want to be gassy.  Sounds reasonable?  Yes.  It does.  I always tell Lake that.

4)So, what I am wondering from you is this:  Laos, is that in Vietnam or in Southeast Asia?  It says on your site that it's in Southeast Asia.  I don't think that's right.  I knew a girl in high school named Charrvina from Laos and I could pick her up and rest her on my shoulder.  One time, I did it in the library and then Vina told me to put her down or she would scream.  I knew she wouldn't but I put her down and then she never talked to me again, and told me it was because her friends always asked who that "white boy" was.  Has that ever happened with you and your wife.

5)I saw the picture of you and Carly Simon.

-Fritz Henry

ps  You definitely get my vote for American Magician Idol !!!!!!